I sighed, glanced at the computer screen, a blaring blue and white website shining at me in the darkness of my living room, and placed my fingers on the keyboard with trepidation. My best girlfriend had been on Plenty of Fish for months, and gone on many dates with a lot of hot men. They all seemed hot enough, she just had really odd standards and didn’t like to put out – something I wasn’t afraid of.
I drew my bottom lip into my mouth and grazed it with my lip as I entered my old username and began to create my profile. Over a year prior, I had to create a profile to view the multitude of profiles my friend was sending me. “Check out this super hot guy in London! I can move to the UK!” or “Ooooh, look at this hot Irish man! He’s a ginger!!”… so my profile sat naked, bare, and was ignored… until today.
Hmmm.. my tagline? I tap my foot as I think of a million cheesy lines ranging from “Let’s rearrange the alphabet and put you and I together” to “Looking for love in all the wrong places…” but decided to settle on, “Hello old friend… so we meet again.”
About Jessica? Hmmm… well, my mama always said honest is the best policy:
“So I’m sitting here chillaxing, listening to Pandora, got the kids in bed.. and yeah.. I’m like.. alone.
I guess we’re all kind of alone until we meet someone special who sparks something inside of us. I thought I had met that person, got knocked up, twice, and married – 7 years! But life isn’t a fairy tale, and people kind of suck a lot most of the time.
I don’t even really know what I’m doing here again.. I met like, one cool person who wasn’t a total creeper last time I tried.
So my expectations here are basically where I’ll get hit on a lot and solicited for intimate encounters of which I’ll reject because, let’s face it gentlemen, is this REALLY the best place to meet someone? Probably not. You’re probably better off in a bar, face to face with some beer goggles on, or in my case vodka goggles.. I mean, I’ll throw back some beer – but really, I like Fireball whiskey and vodka.
Pro life tip: keep your expectations low and you’ll always have them exceeded.
I’m a weirdly optimistic pessimist tonight. LOL.
I’m an Esthetician. I specialize in waxing. I am learning guitar, but it is SO HARD TO HIT THAT C CHORD!!! (Yes, that was me yelling, my finger tips are practically bleeding while I’m typing this…) Ummm… I’m goofy, but serious. I’m a leader, but I’ll gladly step back and follow. I get super passionate and into stuff and then leave it and let it fall to the way-side. I have two beautiful girls that are my world. I feed the local homeless often because the struggle is real and if it was me in that position, I’d want someone to help me. We need to help each other more in life. If you take nothing else from this TLDR post, go spread some kindness… feed a homeless person, hold open a door, smile at a stranger, wave… I mean, you only get this one life – unless you believe in reincarnation – but even then, live in the moment.. be an amazing human being every chance you get.
I’ve been called a mother hen. I’ve been called a TARDIS because I save my friends and my heart is supposedly bigger on the inside, but no Doctor has come to verify those findings yet. I watch Disney movies without the kids, and I have no shame.
I’m an open book. I ramble. I write poetry. I blog. I sing, especially karaoke. I paint. I can fix pipes and broken things like a boss. I’m a jack of all trades and master of none.
I guess I just want to find someone to hang out with, who respects me, who treats me as well as I treat them. Someone who appreciates me. Someone who actually puts me first. If that’s you, and you’ve read this whole freaking thing then cool. Let’s do this thing. Hit me up.”
What do I want to do on my first date?! Is this real life? Okay… keep it cool Jess..
“First dates are always the most awkward thing… gosh. So, I’ll go out of my way to look super cute for you, and I’ll arrive 15 minutes early to our date because I’m generally always early for appointments. Maybe we’ll do dinner or lunch, maybe we’ll go for a stroll in a park, or a hike, or chill and watch a movie… maybe we’ll go for a walk on the pier… I mean, who knows? I prefer to let the guys plan the first date, and I like for first dates to be shorter so if there is no chemistry or if it’s awkward there is an exit plan in place. Like, “Yeah, cool.. thanks for the coffee but I have to run! We should do this again!” But you know you’ll never see each other again. Or maybe you’re super awesome, in which case, exit plan can be tossed out the window and maybe you’ll even get a kiss if you play your cards right. It’s just so silly to write about a fictional first date when you have no clue what the other person likes, too.. or their schedule. What if you’re a vampire and we can only do nighttime dates? What if you’re a time traveler and the only possible time I can enter your timeline has passed and we’ll never get to meet face to face but somehow we can communicate through this thing? I mean.. the possibilities are endless…
So let’s get to know each other and then figure out the first date. No pressure.”
Perfect… Perfect.. Now let’s see what Fish we catch.